I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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