did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip