FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting