My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now