New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.