new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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