she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
