it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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