and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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