What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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