I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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