Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
