She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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