I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
