your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dicks are not precious.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
