so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
