I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
