Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
