You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
