Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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