I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
