I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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