sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
