I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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