i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize