Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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