theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i came on her dog
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
