I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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