Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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