At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
