he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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