No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
