its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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