you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was confusing and full of hummus
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
