I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
where are my eyebrows?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
