So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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