put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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