yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I deserve this hangover.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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