He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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