she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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