I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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