You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
tell me about the eggs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
