I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
