Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
