I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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