Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
