I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
