So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
