thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
