god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
