yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
