Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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