New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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