false alarm. still invincible.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
