my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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