What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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