I think my fart just growled at me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
