yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
