Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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