I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
