$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
