Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize