Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
