I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
