I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's blow job season.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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