Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
