in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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