I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
